the room

the funniest thing i've read this year is, by far, the wikipedia entry for this 'film'. please take time to read it yourself, i promise there is not one morsel of your psyche that won't want to import the dvd from america and watch it yourself. as I may well have done.

i did.

if it doesn't make you want to do that, i am forever alone and shall resign myself to sitting on this stool with the lights off.

i ordered it many moons ago and while the californian smelling jiffy bag arrived weeks later, it had to sit on my coffee table until I could watch it with a suitable cohort. i had no intention of keeping this to myself. it is something that needs sharing and share i must. and am doing. now. with you. you lucky bitch. oh boy was i excited; when i finally got round to getting round to The Troubadour's place and we watched the much discussed american phenomenon.

tommy wiseau's "the room" has a micro-climate of it's own. i was originally alerted to it's existence whilst listening to smodcast - kevin smith's weekly chat with his friend/producer scott mosier. scott mentions it as "the worst film he has ever seen" which, at the best of times is the sort of review that pricks my ears right up, but that review coming from a discerning, analytical film maker like mosier makes the room's viewing essential to my life.

everything you hear or read about the room is true. it is both "the worst film ever made" and 99 minutes of joy. it features the worst script, the worst direction, the worst story, the worst continuity, the worst acting, the worst set design, the worst music, the worst casting, the worst decisions ever made in cinematic history. and i can say that for certain without seeing every film ever made. everything about this film is shocking in it's appalling-ness. and therein lays the brilliance. it's what makes it more compelling than most other things i've seen.

you know when you're driving on the motorway, and you hit a huge traffic jam? and as you edge slowly along the tarmac ribbon, you eventually discover that there has been a huge, ugly pile-up of an accident on the other side of the road. the thing that's held you up all this time is people slowing down to get a good look as they pass by. "rubber-neckers" my dad calls them. an accident so horrific and morbid, with more than a probable chance of fatalities demands attention. you know it will made you feel light-headed and mortal, but still you must look for as much detail as you can; a blood-patch, a limb, a body if you're lucky. screw the kids in the back seat, they need to learn this stuff. as a human, you must witness the demise of another at some point in your life, it is important to your self awareness and the development of your philosophy.

the room is that car crash. it is disgusting, sick and wrong... but you must watch it, you must live through it. and if you do, something will happen. something different to the ill-reward that morbid curiosity of rubber-necking brings. unlike seeing a paramedic scooping up the teeth of a family dog and feeling the horror of deaths finger tapping at your windscreen as you slowly coast past, while watching the room something will change. you will sit for the opening few minutes in confused dilemma. then it will click: "this is the worst film of all time" ... klunk-klik. you will experience pure catharsis. you will laugh until milk erupts from your nose. you will shit happiness. this film is crap. this film is amazing. i give it both the worst and the best score.

i can only really describe it by picking out my favourite facts about its production:

1. tommy wiseau spent thousands of dollars on new 35mm and hi-def digital cameras. one was intended to shoot the 'making of' documentary, but wiseau was so confused by different technologies that he shot the entire film on both cameras side-by-side on the same mount.
2. one of the actors walked out halfway through production, so wiseau gave all his lines to another background character with no introduction or explanation. that character is never even named in the film.
3. wiseau fired and replaced the entire crew twice. in the end over 400 people worked on the single set, single shot film.
4. when the film debuted as an exciting thriller "with the passion of tennessee williams," within 10 minutes the audience had collapsed into laughter. from the end of the showing, wiseau said he had always intended it to be a black comedy.
5. wiseau's performance has been described as "borat trying to do an impression of christopher walken playing a mental patient."

finally, if you do get round to watching it, have a look at this interview with writer, director, producer, executive producer and all round physical disaster: tommy wiseau.

this video contains clips of the film. they are special.

1/10, 10/10

sunshine

it's a long time since i felt this emotional about a film, but that was absolutely incredible, and by far danny boyle's best.
this is an ingenious, white-knuckled suspense-fest, expertly directed by boyle. the cinematography is stunning, the production and set design is a tribute to unique thinkers in the design world and all the actors give really superb performances.

i reserve a lot of conservatism when i rate films, but this one definitely joins ridley scott's alien and event horizon in a very exclusive club. it made my heart beat faster, it made me happy that films exist, it made me weep slightly.
completely astounding.

phew.

10/10

moon

part of me thinks i could just leave this whole review at that picture. moon is desolate and empty and you can feel your soul crumbling as you watch it. it's like staring at a clean sheet of white paper with a fold in it.

and it's wonderful.

science fiction is the best movie genre. it brought us blade runner, alien, terminator, the matrix, back to the future, gremlins, firefly, akira, predator, flight of the navigator, sunshine... and now the absolutely sublime moon. and my god does it sit well within that list.

all of life is in sci-fi, and when accompanied by a mind-blowing story, absorbing setting and so much tension my buttocks develop a six-pack (as this is); i could drown in the fictional worlds for ever. (and be happy to. even dark city is a better world than reality can offer these days.)

moon gives you a great performance from sam rockwell who keeps you hooked throughout, all on his lonesome. not many actors can do that.
i think kevin spacey is brilliantly cast. he offers the perfect vocal delivery that never lets you make any headway guessing how the whole thing will turn out. (that makes more sense when you watch it.)
the production design of the whole thing is lovely. it's totally old school, like watching alien for the first time, all over again. it features proper scale-model work, which automatically makes me think the film-makers cared about what they were doing.
it is thoughtful and compelling and powerful. and totally unpredictable.

SPOILER ALERT
the lasting feeling for me was that of the ultimate heart-break.
as the story slowly unwinds you can physically see Sam's insides turn to (moon) dust. the love of his life fades away and he breaks to pieces leaving only a dry, bloody shell in darkness and solitude... crikey this film hasn't had a good effect on my state of mind has it?
but it's done so well. who cares if it leaves you a mindless husk?

seriously, it was fucking awesome.

10/10

lars & the real girl

not what you're expecting....

this is a really heartwarming tale of unconditional love and friendship and you can't help feeling that life is good after watching it.

and ryan gosling is fast becoming a firm favourite of mine. he is totally convincing in this, and you find yourself accepting the real girl as being real because of his interaction with her.

just wonderful.

10/10

iron man

i don't think it's unreasonable to state that if you put robert downey jnr. in a film, it will be lit up like my arse at christmas. this is absolutely true of Iron Man, and downey carries this film for two hours of utterly brilliant, easy watching genius. he is ably assisted by jeff bridges who performs the classic villain, and even gwyneth paltrow warms the screen.
more than warms it, actually... she's very pleasant as a slightly neurotic, cutesy PA with calves you would eat your dinner off, given half the chance.

this film is pure fun, with more than enough "AWESOMMMMEEEE!!!!!" moments. the suit design is fantastic, the humour is wonderful and.... and... robert downey! stick around for the post-credit secret scene. if you liked the film, it will make you smile inanely for a little while.

10/10

south park: bigger, longer and uncut

steven sondheim said this was the best musical released that year.
he was no further from the truth than i am from laughing my guts off while watching this film.

10/10

american psycho

this is a fantastic interpretation of a brilliant book. it takes easton ellis's original idea and really plays with it while remaining true to it's ideas. christian bale is - as always - absolutely superb with a very focused and studied performance. this straddles the line between movie/film and can really be watched on a lot of different levels.

horrific, hilarious, true.

absolutely perfect direction throughout from mary harron.

10/10

the darjeeling limited

i just can't really fault this film. it is warm and funny and silly, with fantastic performances and brilliant soundtrack. wes anderson has a distinct and unique style that can't be copied. he plays with cameras and actively avoids generic or taboo shooting, creating exciting and rich visuals reminscent of tarantino... but good. this film is a complete feast.

and it has natalie portman in it all nude and stuff. mmmmmm.

10/10

hot fuzz

comedy perfection. the best cinema experience i've ever had, constant laughs and gun fights. there is nothing more needed. jokes to look out for:
- the swear box
- the zombie party
- "i'm not made of eyes"
and the funniest 'drop kick an old lady' in cinematic history.

10/10

star wars IV: a new hope

i try to review films in an objective way, but it's hard with the holy trilogy; it's been part of my life for as long as i can remember films even existing. as a kid i was entranced and enveloped by the galaxy far, far away before i was even conscious that i was going to end up loving films. you could say it was seminal in my film watching journey so i can't really give it anything less that 10 out of 10. i have just watched the recent re-edit though... now i can be objective and say that elements of it are awful. i have no idea why lucas decided to take a film that was widely loved as it was, and ruin it with lots of tiny little incidental expositional cut scenes. not necessary, and have ended up destroying the beats and rhythms of the story, and for the soul reason that 'now he can.' notable wrongdoings in this edit are: - a short scene between han solo and jabba the hutt that didn't have the technology to quite pull off without looking like badly superimposed CGI. - a rather stiff looking CGI C3PO sitting atop a land speeder. - the cutting of the famous 'stormtrooper bumping his head' moment. sad really, it pulls the original and best starwars movie further down towards the level of the horrifying episode II: attack of the clones.

10/10

empire records

this has remained at the top of my list for a long long time: maybe it's the indie feel to it, maybe it's the nostalgic soundtrack, maybe it's liv tyler in her underwear, maybe it's the 'fighting The Man' plot, maybe it's reminiscent of a time in my life when i was without responsibility, maybe it's my inner desire to work in an independent record store, maybe it's rory cochrane's brilliant character, maybe it's the piss take of pop stars, maybe it's just the line "not entirely perfect" i just love it.

10/10

lost in translation

this is as close as i've ever seen to a faultless film. heartbreaking, beautiful and sublime; lost in translation never falters from the best opening shot of any film ever, to the final whispered secret. painting a whole new picture of japan, loneliness and sexual tension. the whole cast expertly portrays completely natural and convincing characters, bill murray is a lord of subtle comedy in this, and scarlett johannson makes my insides all gooey and stuff. it's just perfect.

10/10

alien

there will never be a creature thriller film as good as this ever again. absolutely phenomenal film making here, from the first scene showing off the faultless, groundbreaking and believable production design to the fantastic performance by sigourney weaver as a resilient and brave space trucker forced into desperation and heroism. the whole thing is a masterclass of tension and anticipation, design and cinematography. and it has ian holm in it and he's my favourite.

10/10

airplane!

every joke you've ever seen in a film, was in this movie first. and it was funnier then.

10/10

the goonies

it's like my entire childhood memories, all collected together in a perfect 90 minutes. there is not a time that i could ever get bored with watching this over and over again.

10/10

garden state

by far one of my favourite films ever. zach braff proves he is more than J.D. natalie portman is tasty. ian holm pulls out a quiet and engaging performance. peter sarsgard is like a guitar solo. i could watch this over and over again, even if it was just for the shirt/wallpaper shot.

10/10

shaun of the dead

a new breed of comedy, proving that the brits are the best at it. this movie is delightful in so many ways, the way it feels completely home grown and independent, its playful behaviour, brilliant actors, zombies. it ignores a whole bunch of rules and is all the better for it. nick frost is a favourite of mine since he was mike in spaced and never fails to entertain in his own inimitable way, that makes you think you could be an actor too.

and lucy davies. yum.

i have a signed poster of this film, by simon pegg, nick frost, edgar wright, lucy davies and kate ashfield, from when i queued for 3 hours to meet them. it is one of the best things i own.

10/10