bend it like beckham

memento

faster pussycat, kill! kill!

(you make me feel like a) natural woman

the bourne ultimatum

sometimes hollywood actors do actually make sense.

suburban rhythm

come to this and see me there!

i touch myself

in celebration of that thing we all do, i must shoot some respect all over the face of the chap who runs this website.

the (forgivable) anonymous contributor has been keeping a long term tally of all the wanks he's had in the last few years over the hot women to be found on british TV. from newsreaders to CBBC presenters, we've all thought it, and now thanks to this turkey-choker we can all admit it.

please take time to read the blog, it's a heart-breaking tale of the battles he faces between his heart, his mind, and his fist.

also check out the Wank Rank - a tally of tugging.

i found this site whilst looking for images of BBC weather-girl Laura Tobin (pictured)... mmmmmm

the kids are alright

childs play was originally released 20 years ago!

now you feel old, don't you?

to celebrate, the distribution company dressed a load of kids up as chucky and sent them out into new york to play with knives. look how sinister they are... look at them. bring back children with meat cleavers in films i say. or just give a load of meat cleavers to some children and see what happens.

non, je ne regrette rien

i got back from holiday the other day.

being home and going to work is not as good as being on holiday.

here is a gallery of photos in which you might find pictures of my pregnant sister being forced into a chilly swimming pool, my best friend looking retarded and some of our mighty Ford Tourneo... "the most uncomfortable hire-car in history" (pictured).

alien autopsy

on saturday 30th august, a friend of my girlfriend got married. i took my camera and i think i might be starting to get quite good at using it because i took some nice photos. i'm still operating on a scatter-gun approach... "take 4 thousand photos, get 5 good ones" but it seems to be working.

the guest list at this particular wedding seemed to only consist of very beautiful people, and me. i was rather taken with the one you can see in that picture there, and can't find anything in me to not brag about the fact that she is - in fact - my girlfriend The Budd.

awesome.

there is also a beijing 2008 gold medal winner in there. see if you can spot him.

mercury rising

i hate BMWs.

i know they are well made cars that go for miles, but i invariably have an adverse physical reaction to them akin to that gut-wrenching feeling you get when you've forgotten to do your homework. mainly because they are inevitably driven by arseholes.

it's true. i've been conducting research in my head over the last few years, since i started riding a motorbike actually. about 70% of the time i've seen some idiot driving badly it's been a BMW.
and when i see a BMW, about 50% of the time, they do something idiotic.

and they look so smug all the time.

however, i just discovered this video and i must say, the emotional response to it was rather different. instead of the normal adrenalin rush of fear for my life and the lives of those innocent parties around, i got one of immense excitement and arousal. watch this and tell me you don't feel it too.

my favourite is the bonnet. hummana-hummana.


ooooooohhhhhhh.

the west wing

fingers crossed everyone

rednecks

this made me laugh. these guys are the equivalent of chavs in this country so a great deal of pleasure is to be had by watching this all the way through.

don't do guns, kids.

pretty woman

currently i'm watching the ladies weightlifting.

there are two kinds of weightlifting:

the snatch
where you lift it above your head before straightening your legs.

the clean & jerk
where you lift it to your chest before lifting it above your head.

they both have equally amusing names.

payback

in my current job where i don't really do anything except watch telly, i've been spending a lot of time with the beijing olympics.

my favourite moment so far happened about 20 minutes ago when georgia fought back from inevitable defeat at the beach volleyball against the russians.

yep, that's a strange old situation. i can't help wondering what was going through the girls heads while they were playing. it must've been impossible to not be thinking on some level about the slaughter happening back home. yikes. they say politics shouldn't come into the olympics.... and i'm well aware that beach volleyball is on quite a different level to military invasion, but still, i'm pretty glad georgia won.

on a side note, being able to watch beach volleyball at work is frikken awesome.

the thrill

this is my friend louise. her music is awesome. you should watch this music video as it is really rather good.
and then go to her website: louisegolbey.com

the fly

i don't normally do such things as copy and paste the news, but this story made me laugh. martin brundle, you legend:

ITV has escaped punishment after the word "pikey" - a slang term for gypsy - was used in a sports broadcast in June.

Host Martin Brundle was interviewing Formula One chief Bernie Ecclestone before the Canadian Grand Prix, where part of the track had crumbled.

"There are some pikeys there at turn 10 putting tarmac down - what do you think of that," he asked.

Media regulator Ofcom said it would take no action after ITV apologised and addressed the issue with its presenter.

The broadcaster argued that "pikey" was now used more widely but conceded that it still remains a derogatory term.

It added that Brundle was unaware of the potential racial or ethnic connotations and so had not meant to cause any offence towards the travelling communities.

After the show ITV received 22 complaints from viewers over the remark while Ofcom received 14.

Brundle was a Formula One driver throughout the 1980s and 1990s and has won awards for his work as a commentator for ITV.

He is known for his "walk-and-talk" technique, where he prowls around the starting grid before races to interview drivers and celebrity spectators.

read story here

chariots of fire

try as a i might, i can't find an attractive lady on the GBR olympic team.

maybe we'll win a medal for that.



although china will do quite well.

backdraft

right now there are probably a few high level executives in the oil industry watching burn up, BBC2's new so called "eco-drama" about corruption and denial and apathy and greed.

where we are right now in the story is following the slow realisation of the central character, that perhaps stuff that is bad for the environment is actually bad. now, i'm a cynical bastard at the best of times so my feeling is that those high level executives are probably smirking to themselves about how weak a business man he is, and are pretty un-accepting of the fact that oil might not be the best thing for their kids.

they do make a valid point in the show, though; that we don't know for sure that oil is the main contributer to global warming. science hasn't proved it... fair enough.

but we do know for a fact that some sort of a change is happening. it might just be the natural cycle of the earth, so while there's a possibility that its not man made we might as well enjoy ourselves and burn lots of oil.

i guess.

i guess, is what they are thinking.

now, unfortunately there seems to be a lot of pussy-footing around with no real evidence of action. governments and corporations are being very polite to each other; most notably around the american government who, let's face it, are basically skipping along hand-in-hand with big fat oil producers. it's like tweedle-dee & tweedle-dumb. i had high hopes for gordon brown, but he's basically spent the last 12 months rolling out disappointment after disappointment. i'm not talking about the increasing price of filling up my car fuel tank - i don't care about the rise in the oil price as far as the consumer side of things is concerned. in the world where every cloud has a silver lining, perhaps it has cut down the amount of petrol people have bought recently. and made them think twice about buying a brand new porsche cayenne. (i recently got rid of my 4x4 as the guilt was becoming too soul-destroying.)

what i am talking about is that apparently he had some good attitudes towards environmental change before he came into his version of power, but i haven't seen any evidence over the weekly apologies, repeats of unemployment figures and back peddling. still, at least we're not being run by the tories... yet. shit, that's a depressing thought.

i went off the subject there, what i was going to say is that there is too much politeness & diplomacy where there should be raised voices & honesty. what words should be being said by those with access to the people in question are:

to the american government and the shareholders of shell, bp and esso and all the others -
you are cunts and nobody likes you. stop killing people so you can have bigger portfolios. it's just numbers on paper.

to the governments of all the other countries in the world, specifically the british -
stop being so wet. we, like you i'm sure, are aware that the world has run out of real leaders and we have to deal with the timid, politically correct wimps that now sit round the table at G8. but come on, buck your ideas up and start earning yourself a morsel of respect from the the folks in your country. you never know, you might even prove yourselves worthy of sitting in that seat.

of course, climate change champions might be completely wrong and either there is no such thing as global warming (*nonchalantly shrugs shoulders to the population of southern bangladesh*), or there is global warming, it's caused by the natural cycle of the earth and we can't do anything about it.

i dunno, we might end up with a booming alternative fuels industry though. and cooler, quieter, less polluted streets for the 100 years we've got left on the planet.
and greener golf courses,
and better quality steak,
and maybachs that run completely silently....

serenity

spread the word.