Monday, 17 March 2008



i must tell you about one of the best venues and one the the funnest cabaret ideas what i did experience on friday, these...

shunt is an awesome 'members club' underneath london bridge, hidden in the shadows of railway arches amongst the strange, the circus and the unusual. it's a performance art club and anything goes.


the time i went before, the evening was interrupted by a rather large naked dude who ran amongst the revelers only to have a bucket of tinned tomatoes fall from the ceiling on top of him. after throwing himself around a bit in a frenzy of ketchup manufacture he ran onto a small stage where another bucket (this time of sand) fell atop his head. more writhing about then back into the crowd/dancers/audience whereupon a bucket of water drenched him and anyone standing nearby.

he was one of the owners it turns out.

so yeah.... anything.

but last friday i went off to the good old freakshow in support of an old friend of the troubadour's who was performing with her band - karauke - please do go to the website for information, but in short they are a ukulele band who put on karaoke gigs. like karaoke, but with a 15-piece ukulele band instead of a little machine with a microphone attached to it.

check them out. go and see them. and sign up early to do a song. don't hesitate like i did and by the time you've psyched yourself up enough to go on stage and you're really excited... time has run out and the gig is over.

shame, because my ukulele backed rendition of kaiser chiefs "oh my god" was to be the stuff of legend...

Sunday, 16 March 2008

Saturday, 15 March 2008

Thursday, 13 March 2008

a view to a kill

view from the top

for those of you who give a monkey's, some more things of my new job that is nice, yes.
a big fat screen

Monday, 10 March 2008

deep impact

i did my first day of my new job.

i was given a lot of information.

my head feels like it will burst open.

this is sort of like my new office and that:

Saturday, 8 March 2008

east bound & down

well, that's it. my time at central hall, westminster has come to an end. at the risk of sounding institutionalised it's been my life since december 2005. jeez, that sounds like a long time.

working there has been a big fat mixed bag o' nuts, featuring the all time lowest points of my mental and physical states, all the way up to laughing uncontrollably and the occasional immense & warming sense of pride in my abilities and dedication. i will miss the place, whether i like it or not. there are some fantastic people there, a couple of fucking morons, but generally through the years i have seen some brilliant people come and go. and it's been great to be honest.

i'm so glad i'm leaving to go and do a new, interesting, varied, better-paid, different job... but as my emotions got a little better of me last night at my good-bye drinks it turns out i do actually really love the place and it's a bit hard for me to leave. thanks to all who turned out to my leaving do, loads of people came to see me off (probably to make sure i was actually going), i think you are all excellent.

also thanks to those who didn't come but gave real reasons.

i'm sure i'll see you all when i pop back now and again. the cafe does a mean jacket potato.

Monday, 3 March 2008

the lost world

right now i'm watching a documentary about steven hawking and how he proved that the world is being sucked slowly into a kind of warp thing made by the sun. he's said that stars shrink to the size of atoms and eat light, and that the entire of existence was once "infinitely small" and you could've fit the universe in your pocket. he can 'prove' that the universe began from a singularity, but doesn't know what a singularity is.

it's a very interesting theory, but one that he can't prove until he manufactures a black hole. which is impossible. i'm not denying that he is a very intelligent man. stupidly intelligent. but while he can put a load of maths and physics to his hypotheses, it is still speculation until it is demonstrated.

i think that black holes are created by space monkeys who build them using a machine that looks like a petrol generator with a bucket under it that you throw clam shells at. if you give the monkeys ikea furniture then they'll rustle up a new galaxy for you.

i can prove it with this diagram:

Saturday, 1 March 2008

lonesome town

Beneath the ounces of foundation and mascara'd lids you can almost detect a sense of immense beauty. She hides it away under number seven and a layer of self depreciation. The late night holds a secret; some shocking encouragement so forth her lap is filled with a thorntons white chocolate easter egg.

Half eaten.

Melted milky magma coats her fingers and fingernails like something off-white and unspeakable. Her sweet banquet is momentarily blocked by the gaggle of unbalanced party goers rocking into the train, all high-heels and legs and giggles and indiscriminate flirting.

She sighs and places the egg back in its package. It nestles guiltily. Licking her fingers is her final battle.