why don't we make up?

here is the promo for my improvised musical comedy group/troupe who do improvised comedy musicals with music and songs and comedy in. feel free to enjoy it more than tractors (who are total fuckers anyway).

i don't like myself in film, so i cunningly only put myself in it for a split second. well done me.

wall-e

my #improvathon ended earlier than i wanted. which was annoying. what is more annoying is the reason.
it wasn't due to tiredness - i'd pushed through two horrific walls of sleepiness and had got to a point where it really was a downhill stretch. if i could make it to 38 hours of watching a show, i could make it to 50.
it wasn't due to the the quality of the show - yes, it had some bits that were better than others, and some of the worst bits were really quite bad; but that's part of the show. even with total sleep deprivation, the cast were still finding some absolute genius from somewhere within.

it was due to drunk people. yeah. annoying. i hate drunk people at the best of times. being drunk can often turn even the most pleasant of people into arrogant, selfish pricks. when those selfish pricks are there ruining a show you are trying to watch, that's just too much to bother with.
and for some reason you can't tell them to shut-up, because you would be the one classed as unreasonable. the response would be "oh they're just having a good time, leave them alone."
i would argue that's total balls. they're drunk, they're being twats, they should just automatically be asked to leave. or they should be put down in the stalls, leaving a chill-out zone in the balcony. or something.

so, accompanied with my tiredness levels it just pushed me to the end of my tether. and i just couldn't be bothered anymore. which is annoying, because the first night was really pleasant. you could just sit quietly and watch the show until dawn came or lay down and absorb it just through audio. but saturday night was this: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - repeated to infinitum.

as i write this, the show is still going. and the performers are nothing less than heroes. it's a mighty accolade, but for the most it's totally deserved. the most notable performances are as follows:
(in no particular order, and not knowing some of the actors names so i'll use their character name or a description)
Mark Meer - even at his lowest points he was a better improviser than i can ever hope to be. his Hunter S Thompson is magnificent. he is quick, witty and clever. and his physical comedy is a pleasure to watch.
Dylan Emery - never ceased to retain plot-points and keep the story in some semblance of an order.
Jacob Tony Ferrari - the only man who will finish this with a catchphrase. Really entertaining and a superb improviser.
Ruth Bratt - is constantly brilliant, but had a meltdown on stage and kept improvising to perform the best song of the show. Her love story with The Geek will be one of the few stories everyone will remember.
Paul Foxcroft - i really enjoy watching Paul. he has a knack of playing around in scenes that i envy, and the fooling about never seems to ruin the truth of whats going on.
Woody Allen - the guy's impression of the neurotic film director was brilliant. and he was brilliant with it. His story of obsession with Annie Hall was my favourite one of the whole show.
The Country Girl with the animal milk obsession - was just really enjoyable to watch and i missed her when she went.
Oliver Senton - his impression of Tom Waits was perfect.
Josh D'arcy - his security guard character was utterly convincing and never put a foot wrong.
Seamus Allen - totally brilliant drug-addict comedy role and a brilliant clown.
Charlotte Gittins - her 'Hot 30' was always the best one of any episode.
Sarah-Louise Young - apart from a weird time dressed in a silver bikini; was slick, professional and wonderful at all times.
Donovan Workun - just brilliant.
Alan Cox - an enviable pallet of abilities.
Vackith/Vackis or something (she was a russian dancer anyway) - always enjoyable to watch and never seemed to lose energy.
Bryony And Tonic - i was always very relaxed when she was on stage. this could have any one of a number of meanings.

but by far my ultimate hero, someone who was consistently incredible, funny, witty, sexy, energising, committed, convincing; who powered into any role that was thrust upon her, did a brilliant impression of a well-known character, astounded me with her improv-abilities, energy levels and contributions to the show.. was Cariad Lloyd. she was absolutely fucking brilliant and stands out a long way as my favourite performer of the show. amazing.

do i regret not seeing the whole thing out?... yeah, a bit. but now i get to go and have a curry and a pint. so that's pretty ace. and i still saw most of the show.
as for personal achievements; i stayed awake for something close to 52 hours, so i'm feeling pretty good about myself.

careless whisper

so #FastandLoose happened. impro is finally back on mainstream TV, at least for 8 weeks anyway. we had an impro-watching party around the main event, watched some made-up-on-the-spot telly such as Curb Your Enthusiasm and Reno 911, and we watched some YouTube clips of brilliant groups like Beer.Shark.Mice and the fucking amazing Upright Citizens Brigade (video below). which were all magnificent, but by far the central reason for our evening was Fast & Loose.

there has not been a mainstream British impro TV show since Whose Line Is It Anyway? 15 years ago, so the expectations amongst the impro community could be felt like a build up of silence before a tidal wave hits... so did the wave hit with the full force of a 15-year surge and a burgeoning contemporary impro scene? well, um,... -ish... sort of like... sort of.

the twitterverse was lit with swathes of commentators. i would say it was mostly positive. interestingly, the good complimentary stuff seemed to come from the 'normal' TV viewer. lots of people thought it was hilarious. that is great. the dissenters, however, appeared to be people from within the improv community. there was a noticeable voice from improvisers all over the country that was disappointed and unsatisfied.

i am mixed. i thought the show was okay, but felt very calculated and safe. one if the most joyous aspects of doing impro is that the audience call out suggestions. this does two things:

1. proves that it's improvised.

2. gives the improvisers completely bat-shit crazy unexpected suggestions to work with.
there was no audience interaction whatsoever on Fast & Loose. why the hell not? they managed it 15 years ago with whose line? so why take a backwards step now?

the cast list included pippa evans and humphrey ker. these are two perfectly decent improvisers who could cope with any suggestion the audience could muster. future cast members for the series include ruth bratt and dave reed, who are also off-the-cuff masters. the Fast & Loose decision-makers are happy to use less-well-known but entirely capable improvisers, but it appears that due to some wet fear of risk-taking they also had to go down the danger-free route of stand-up comedians and a fail-safe format. the name of the show ended up being quite the opposite of the truth. series two should be called "Slow & Constrained".

my lady-cohort observed that if you wanted to broadcast a show about mime, you would go and talk to some mime artists; find out if there was a community of people who do mime and which performers those mime artists respect most. you would work with those maestros to form the best mime format you could for your TV show and the best mimists for your cast.

why then, didn't Fast & Loose work with prominent people in the improvisation circuit? there are people out there who've practiced incessantly on the art of improv for years and years and are regarded as figureheads in the community. Dylan Emery is one of the creators of Showstoppers, performs in Grand Theft Impro, runs the Crunchy Frog Collective, part of the astounding School of Night and is well regarded as a bit of a powerhouse in making existing improvisers work harder and be better since he took up the mantel that Alan Marriott left behind when he moved back home to Canada.
Steve Roe almost single-handedly runs Hoopla! and you won't find anyone battling harder to get improv out of dingy pub cellars and into the public eye. He is also an effing brilliant improviser himself.
Katy Schutte is just about one of the best improvisers i've ever seen and imparts the knowledge she has gained from training in (impro-Mecca) Chicago to our little island.

any one of these people could have given Fast & Loose a list of incredible, reliable, hilarious improvisers (including themselves) who would have astounded the audience. they'd have had some pretty brilliant ideas about show formats too, that certainly wouldn't have felt as stale as F&L did for a lot of it. these are people that trust in the abilities of fellow improvisers, and prove it by performing in front of real-life audiences with them. 'them' includes me, and i'm a long way away from the best improviser in town.

when you perform live you don't even get to edit out the poorer bits in post-production like they can with TV. if F&L producers were scared of going the whole hog and committing to impro, they really needed to have at least watched some impro shows and realised how risk-free it can be.

Fast & Loose just didn't seem to stray that far from the sterile safety we saw in mock the week; a show that pretended it was impro but was not even close.
Exhibit A, it didn't have improvisers in it.
Exhibit B, it had stand-up comedians in it.
Exhibit C, everything looked rehearsed.

hmm.

wow. that's all pretty negative. there are positive things that came out of the Fast & Loose series debut. for a start, with the list of evidence above you can now delete Exhibit A.
F&L did actually have improvisers in it. it's a start.

also, there were some bits that were actually impro. the dinner scene was a TV evilution of a 'Scene Replay' impro game, albeit rushed through.

the sideways floor thingy near the end was pretty much a classic 'Genre Swap' but with an added aspect you can't easily do live on stage in a room above a pub, with no budget because it's hard to get a decent-sized audience because no-one knows about improv because TV execs have been too scared to put it on TV even though everyone liked a show that was on 15 years ago. that game worked really well and the twitterverse was almost unanimous in it's appreciation.

so, i guess in summary; it was frustrating for improvisers or impro-fans who've seen just how good impro can be; and what can possibly be achieved live on stage. those who have seen entire musicals and shakespearian style plays created in a moment, those who have been whisked along an intricate weave of intertwining storylines and characters, those who have seen skilled actors work together to create miraculous and hilarious things on stage... will have been rather underwhelmed.

but for anyone who doesn't know about improv and hasn't been exposed to it, well, it may have opened their eyes to a whole new form of comedy that isn't the standard vanilla much-repeated one man stand-up routine. which can only be a good thing. it's a tentative toe-dip in an improv pool that can only be improved by a braver jump into the shallow end. and then a doggy paddle.
or if you're a newcomer, already into the idea of diving from the top board, why not try the 50-hour improvathon?

for impro virgins with a whetted appetite, there's so much to discover (shortform, longform, musicals, theatresports, impro soaps, harolds). if you want to discover more don't limit yourself to a TV show that's controlled by TV executives, seek out the good stuff:

in london:
hoopla!
showstoppers
music box
8bit
grand theft impro
school of night
horse aquarium

in brighton:
the maydays
the noise next door

anywhere else:
start from the crunchy frog collective website, and work outwards.

and then demand that TV execs allow this kind of thing to happen:

as you like it

sometimes comedy just gets you right there. you click with it or you don't.
as any fine regular readers are unavoidably aware, stand-up doesn't usually do it for me.
but these guys do:

the beta males picnic (great name) played the hoopla christmas cabaret last night; a gig that i was running tech-stuff for. and they were brilliant. they sat really well with me and i easily found their level of humour. it was playful and silly, but wrought with intelligence. they defied preconceptions, had some fantastically dark sketches and were fundamentally hilarious throughout.

best of all, each one of them came independently to thank me after the show, for doing the technical bits. it's a very simple and easy thing to do, but it makes a huge difference. i hope they are recognised for the brilliant sketch comedy they perform, because they are lovely chaps and totally deserve it.

the good, the bad and the ugly

GOOD
a new impro show is coming to your screens in the very near future, and it's pretty blaardy exciting. fast & loose looks to be a short-form show, similar to whose line is it anyway?. ace.

improv hasn't really been in the world of mainstream entertainment in about 15 years or something, so this is a fresh and exciting time. it's pretty darn marvelous actually, because not only will it bring improv back into the forefront of people's minds and give us all a little bit more exposure, but it will be fricken funny to watch - judging by some of the acts that are on it:
pippa evans
humphrey ker
marek larwood
ruth bratt

all brilliant. brilliant. brilliant.

BAD
i'm slightly worried about how impro will translate to our TV screens, and it totally depends on the bravery of some TV executives. Fast & Loose is from the creators of Mock the Week, which was a show that suggested that it was off-the-cuff but was so transparent you knew it was all lies.
Mock the Week was partly created by Dan Patterson, however Dan was also a big genius-hand in putting Whose Line is It Anyway? on our screens. hmm.
hopefully he is allowed to do actual impro this time, like in the heydays of Ryan Stiles (consistently hilarious) and Josie Lawrence (impro singing master) and not the annoyance of Andy Parsons (just has a weird delivery) and Gina Yashere (just does african accents).
thankfully the cast members suggest actual impro, as the ones i know are very talented improvisers and not stand-up comedians. huzzarp!

UGLY
from the press release:

Suzanne Gilfillan, Executive Editor for the BBC, comments: "Fast And Loose is warm comedy entertainment with a modern twist, with a rich mix of established performers and new comedy stars in the making, reflecting the wealth of new and exciting improv talent on the stand-up comedy circuit."

... improv is not fucking stand-up!

get up, stand up

i am regularly asked how my stand-up comedy is going; "how's your stand-up comedy going, arsehole?" "you got any stand-up gigs soon, monkey-boy?" "hey ugly man, you do stand-up don't you, ugly man?" .. that kind of thing.

many improvisers are familiar with this kind of faulty questioning, it is a common series of mistakes. as soon as you mention that you do comedy people immediately consult their limited library of reference points and assume that you do stand-up comedy. i don't do stand up comedy. i have done, i enjoyed it...
i prefer improvisation.

stand-up is really very fundamentally different to improv. i'm going to have to generalise, but basically stand-up is one person on stage telling jokes that they have thought up, written, improved, worked on, honed and then put into an order that makes them compliment each other and provide a calculated series of laughs. you know that, you've seen stand-up, everyone has. stand-up is well known and the 'stars' of stand-up comedy are like rock gods in the comedy world.

improv is better. i reckon. improv is better because stand-up comedians try and do it and they usually can't, and when i saw 20 improvisers do stand-up as an experiment they were largely brilliant. that means improv is harder (fight me). you probably won't have seen the improvisers-try-their-hand-at-stand-up show (most of the population of the world didn't make it), but the standard of stand-up was surprisingly high. actually, using the word 'surprisingly' takes away from how good it was. it was consistently brilliant.

as a contra, try watching an episode of Mock The Week - a quiz show that's apparently a bunch of stand-up comics improvising funny answers to questions and mini stand-up routines based on suggestions. but you see that it's not improvised, right?
you see that they have rehearsed the show and had all day to come up with the 'funny', right?
you can tell by their delivery, right?

okay, if you don't see that you should definitely get yourself to an impro show, because your mind will literally be blown out of the top of your head. literally.

i find impro better because it is about improving the world. it is about collaboration. it is about people working together to make something wonderful happen. an impro group will work as a team to build something out of nothing using only the power of their wit and the relationships they've formed with each other. new worlds, new characters, new situations. new places, stories, relationships, issues, songs, ideas... more more more

"improv is constructive, stand-up is destructive." - me

there's a tag line for you.

stand-up seeks to - yes - explore the world, but then it deconstructs it into it's component parts to find the subtle and not-so-subtle nuances that make life on earth ridiculous and amusing. it is holding a mirror up to ourselves and taking the piss out of the crazy nature of living. "people do silly things at weddings, don't they?" "the government are a bunch of numpty's, aren't they?" "here is a pun" that sort of thing.

stand-up uses what's already there. improv makes something new.

there are of course, exceptions. there are a lot of great stand-ups who do great comedy. it tends to be the ones that have a constructive comedy routine that make me laugh the most.
- eddie izzard, for example. he creates weird and wonderful situations out of every day objects. he adds to the world to find the comedy. (he is also a trained improviser, trained by a brilliant improviser i know called alan marriott.)
- bill bailey... creates songs for his performances.
- ross noble is brilliant. ross noble improvises his entire set and it's different every nigh... what..? wait a minute.. yes, he improvises every gig. oh. he's an improviser.
- daniel kitson is warm, generous and offers you comedy on a plate of his mum's best china. he also writes plays.
- steve coogan created alan partridge.
- russell howard .. is animproviser.
- michael legge .. is an improviser.
- nina conti is hilarious, has a fantastic relationship with her ventriloquist puppet monkey and... oh yeah, hang on, she's an improviser too.

what about the americans? bill murray, tina fey, larry david...?
improviser.
improviser.
improviser.
there are brilliant stand-ups who don't particularly add to the world to make their comedy, but they are less in numbers. stewart lee, dylan moran, lee evans in his heyday. god bless their existence.

if i was going to publicly list stand-ups who i think are vastly, vastly over-rated (of course i won't, that would be terrible).. that list would include ricky gervais, jason manford, russell brand (ohmygod), michael mcintyre (holyfuck)... people who are more famous than talented. a bit like paris hilton.

i don't do stand up. that's brilliant, i do improv. it is less well-known, but it is better. do you remember who's line is it anyway?.. ? good wasn't it?

there are shit-loads of impro shows going on, every day. just because it's not on TV all the time doesn't mean the improv community isn't alive and thrilling. the only reason it's not really on TV is because TV execs want to know the exact content of something before they give it money. before it goes on air. that's probably why 'improvised' mock the week is rehearsed so many times and then heavily edited. you see that, right?

basically, our choices about what comedy we get to watch on TV is governed by people in business suits. not even funny people in business suits.

you could have more of it in your life. and it's cheap too. a fiver will usually get you a whole evening of hilarious comedy that'll will only happen the one time. and if you speak up, the show could be all about something you shout out. better than telly, that.
start here for your next show. if we all start going to them, the TV executives might notice.

dark angel

normally I would consider the idea of printing a load of stickers that say 'fuck' on them and spraying them around town to be bass and uninspired. however, look at the attention to detail - the proximity of colour, the accuracy of the font.

well done folk, well done. I applaud you silently from within an unnamed bank headquarters.

kick-ass

this show is tomorrow and i am in it, innit.

i love the spring. it is the season of sunshine and romance and wing-nuts and fresh cherries and friendly maggots and savagery.

do you know what, though? it just wouldn't be complete if we didn't do a massive collaboration with the King & Queen of london impro: Hoopla!

thank goodness this poster came along.
yes, it's pink,
but it's more than that - it's a call to order, it's a fanfare, it's the knowledge that you are a ferrari's gear-change away from the night of your life.
yeah, it'll be like a rock-badger playing Van Halen records:- you wouldn't want to miss it or you'll feel bad about your life and the direction you're going.

just like a rock-badger.

The Ministry and Hoopla! unite for the first time ever. hear us roar.

*****starring*****

Nicola "teenage wasteland" Kidner
Jinni "credible threat" Lyons
Edgar "lips don't lie" Fernando
Jonathan "flabby piracy" Monkhouse

all masterfully and continuously directed by:
Stephen "squeezy squeegy" Roe

***** ***** *****
Date:
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
Time:
20:00 - 22:00
Location:
Upstairs at The Black Horse, 6 Rathbone Place, London, W1T 1HH

***** ***** *****

i literally can't wait. i just had a baby from the excitement.


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casino royale

after speculation that this guy was Ben Folds, ben folds himself started putting chatroulette into his shows. my favourite recording artist doing impro and taking the piss out of internet weirdos? ja bitte.


i tried chat roulette once. my experience can be summed up in one picture:

iron man 2

i'm in this show tonight.

the toughest impro challenge in the world!
12 actors start. they do impro. audience vote some off.
one actor survives 'til the end.
they become - IRON ACTOR!

london impro never got better.
or tougher.

the show will also have these fine performers (obviously they won't win as I AM IRON ACTOR. but they'll at least help me look good):
Chris Mead - The Ministry, The Oodcast, Andrew & The Slides of Chaos
Rhiannon Vivian - Cannonball, Crouching Unicorn, Hidden Goblin
Claire O'Callaghan - Cannonball
Andrew Gentilli - Cannonball
Michael Brunstrom - Curt Hatred's Copper Glove
Wanda Keenan - A whole bunch of stuff, including this
Roderick Millar - Friendly Fire
Paul Rice - Sketchprov
Matt Andrews - Hoopla!
Geoff Marshall - Cameron Girl
Katrina Johnsen - Hoopla!

doors 7.30pm, show 8pm
upstairs at The Black Horse, 6 rathbone place, london, w1t 1hh

see you there for kick-ass good entertainment and laugh-a-moment genius machinery.

date night

you like laughing, right?

it'll be like a rock-badger playing Van Halen records. you wouldn't want to miss it.

The Ministry and Hoopla! unite for the first time ever. hear us roar.

*****starring*****

Nicola "haystacks" Kidner
Jinni "scrumpy jack" Lyons
Edgar "lollypop" Fernando
Chris "drum stick" Mead
Jonathan "kevin" Monkhouse

all expertly and ceremoniously directed by:
Stephen "carrot top" Roe

***** ***** *****
Date:
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
Time:
20:00 - 22:00
Location:
Upstairs at The Black Horse, 6 Rathbone Place, London, W1T 1HH

***** ***** *****

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planet of the apes

it's my birthday today. so i thought i'd collate today's releases from some of my favourite online comics (well, you couldn't get more geeky than that):











click on any of them, and you'll be transported by magic to the website.

livin' on a prayer

this video is the entire of modern life in just over four minutes. see as i count the elements every 10 seconds.

0.00 disinterest / 0.10 excitement / 0.20 fear / 0.30 horror / 0.40 concern / 0.50 pain / 1.00 intrigue / 1.10 mirth / 1.20 amusement / 1.30 joy / 1.40 expectation / 1.50 apoplexy / 2.00 sympathy / 2.10 worship / 2.20 respect / 2.30 satisfaction / 2.40 comfort / 2.50 belonging / 3.00 empathy / 3.10 veneration / 3.20 intoxication / 3.30 indulgence / 3.40 alliance / 3.50 jon bon-jovi / 4.00 relief / 4.09 catharsis

forget paris

picture the scene, it is thursday morning:

YOUR BOSS: what did you do last night, anything fun?

YOU: well, i did have the opportunity to go and see a comedy show filled with laughs and fun and improvising. and it was only £5. in a cool venue, surrounded by excellent people and a really exciting atmosphere. and really easy to get to, near London Bridge station.

BOSS: sounds ace! i wish i'd known about it, i would've definitely gone to that. did you have fun?

YOU: i didn't go in the end, i was a bit tired and couldn't be bothered.

BOSS: you are a stupid fucking idiot. i'm removing your holiday entitlement. go and sit in a cupboard.

see you at the show:

mr. big stuff

i'm a little bit over-addicted to children's telly. every morning when i get into work at 7am, the first thing i do is put on channel 5 and tune my senses to whichever sprightly young nympho is presenting that day (that clip is naomi, she's my favourite). then it's a case of trying to fit my daily equipment checks around the best shows (rory the racing car, noddy, thomas the tank engine).

the best of the best, though, is the mr. men. by far. it's gone through an american remake, but for the UK shows they've dubbed them in more relevant accents. i was a bit unsure to begin with; as we all know, the majority of american remakes are about as much of an improvement as pissing on your own jumper. but once the regional accents kicked in, i was sold.

firm favourites are:

• mr. nosy and mr. small. the best double act since eric morecambe & christopher morris
• mr. messy as a scouser... the obvious choice.
• mr. happy, well, he's just over-excited all the time.

observe an episode

(warning, this episode involves bean-tasting)

well, what else were you going to do with that ten minutes of your life?
maybe you could've watched this one instead, which features a "tickling woodland menace":


i literally, genuinely love it. it makes me laugh so hard my ring-piece vibrates. there was an episode recently where the mr. men had a hat competition. mr. grumpy was certain he'd win even though he was just wearing his normal hat, while all the others had put loads of effort in.
"NO CHANCE!" i shouted at the telly, but after a series of freak accidents all the other mr. men had been delayed to the competition, and all their hats had combined into one almighty bonnet, that inexplicably landed on mr. grumpy's head.
well, of course, there was only one clear winner by this point and mr. grumpy (despite putting no effort in) won.
hands down.
so he walked home with the first prize... which was a pipe organ.
....a pipe organ.

there's not even an idiotic moral ending! brilliant.

kids stuff rules. i work in the 34-floored HQ of a massive corporate bank and they still have a sweet shop that sell fruit salads, black-jacks, sherbert dip-dabs and the like. yum yum yum.

that is a picture of my desk. check out thomas the fricken tank engine, yo!

oh yeah, and to leave you, here's another genius show.
pato the duck fucking rocks:

steven fry!

a song a day for january: 15

i bloody love this. really cool riff, brilliant style, totally rockin' dood. *cough* i also like that the video looks like the band got their mates and their sisters to be in it, and made it in their mum's house.

a song a day for january: 4

there is no good reason why i like Plus-Tech Squeeze Box. in essence, they're monstrous. however, i love them. i love them like i love my head being filled with gelatin and licked by beautiful and rare feline creatures.

weather with you

i well love BBC news 24. i watch about 18 hours every day. i get a good feeling when the same stories are repeated indefininitelelly-ly, broken up by the odd weather report.

my favourite weather reporter is laura tobin. she makes things happen. however, i very much enjoy this chap:

i like him because he's a cheeky chappy and he gives me informative news about upcoming weather fronts. his warm front is not as enjoyable as laura tobin's, but then laura tobin doesn't have the following extra string to his bow.

liam dutton is also ernie, from sesame street.

funny honey

i've met some thoroughly decent people over the last few weeks. many of them possess a high power of wit. if you measured their comic ability on a scale of children's bbc quality, they would be about blue peter.
and that show had richard bacon.

one of these new people made this:

... which means i need to do the following:

1: up my game and be funny again.
2: write better to impress the best ones.

in that regard, here is a poem:

i'm currently watching the weakest link.
it makes you think,
"i'm cleverer than i look"

skin

i've wanted a tattoo for ages. but i'll never get one because i can never settle on a design or position. and i'm a pussy.

maybe i should have this done:

then i wouldn't have to speak to any people ever again.
ugliesttattoos.com