it's funny how your emotive response can still catch you off your guard and take you by surprise. i've had 26 years of first-hand experience with my neurological reflexes, so i thought i would pretty much be able able to predict how my mind would react to certain events.
turns out, you can't always know where your emotions are going to take you.
christmas one happened yesterday. it travelled light, but it did bring with it a beautifully leather-bound volume of nostalgia, a huge ladle-full of laughter and a bucket of contentment. strangely though, it added a little pinch of frustrating salt. it added flavour, but it was unnecessary.
two salty emotive responses. two steps back. two deep breaths of stale history.
but believe me, not enough to ruin the day. and to prove it i will tell you about the day, and how much i loved it. and how i wish these people hadn't disappeared for 4 years. and how every moment relaxed and entertained and enriched. and how a smile appears from the dark and a happy tear falls.
like returning to the womb. like pulling in the blankets. like stretching open welcoming arms.
like i had been for a long long walk during which i'd forgotten what home looked like, only to return to it years later. it was the same home, but older. and wiser. evolved. with a rich, sweet life of it's own. but with the same sofa, and the same smell. and the same heat of the open fire that never went out.
i love these people. an elastic bond has been stretched in many directions. so thin in places that it's almost invisible. microscopic. but reel that bond in, relax the tension time brings, and that elastic returns to its original breadth. sorry about the fucking cheesey metaphor. i'll leave it there and won't mention it again.
i love these people. there is a chapter of my life that is almost without blemish. not so much as a crease. these people are largely responsible for it. six irreplaceable loved ones. people who enrich the world with all their faults and triumphs.
a feast.
just a shame about the two unexpected reflex actions. but they'll disappear with time.
i expect.
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