i'm a bit taken aback to be honest

i had an odd thing today. it was an experience of regret and sadness. if i hadn't been so busy and it hadn't have been in such an open environment i think it would've really caught me off guard. as it happens it sort of went unnoticed for a while until i had a chance to recollect it.

i was chatting to one of the security guards at work today. now, when i say security guards i'm sure you immediately think of a large rock-structure of a man in a bomber jacket with a menacing stare in his eye. well, thats not the sort of thing we've got in my building. to be honest, if i described our security team as 'dad's army' i think i'd be doing them a favour. a few of them have teeth missing, but not from being hard-ass and having a few fights under their belts... generally it's because that's what happens when you reach a certain age. bless them.

but this isn't the point of my entry. as i say, i was chatting to one of them, an old scottish guy called (amusingly) harry potter. at the moment we've got a conference in of the international maritime organisation who basically are the people who decide the laws of shipping around the world. somewhat dull i'm sure you'll guess, except the main focus of this particular conference is to decide what to start doing with old ships when they die. currently a lot of them are grounded on the shores of india and sri-lanka and the like; and left to rot... not the very best of environmentally sound disposal methods.

so me 'n harry were chatting about the environment and that a bit and he turned to me and said in one of those heartbreakingly tender voices that only the scottish can do, "i'm reaching the end of my life, and you're just starting yours. i'm really sorry about the state my generation is leaving this world in, it never occurred to us the damage we were doing."

there was that slightly strange moment that you always get when the older generation nonchalantly refers to their morbidity; a weird mix of respect and vulnerability. the moment hung there for a beat, then he got a call on his radio and had to wander off to check a stair-lift or something.

retrospectively it was a pretty touching moment. there was a really tangible aura of apology; regret that he couldn't do enough with the years he had left... but a real hope that it wasn't too late.

i think there's a certain cross section of society, specifically my generation that think it's not their fault the world is a bit messy, so why should they do anything about it. i can sort of see their point, it's like being handed a jigsaw with some pieces missing and being expected to enjoy finishing it. unfortunately, that's our charge and there's nowt we can do about it except try and make some new pieces. it's that or we'll be pretty empty handed when the next lot of kids look up at you hoping for a puzzle.

i promise my next post will be more funny than this one.