i'm making a list, i'm checkin' it twice

here i am, right in the middle of watching what has quickly become one of the worst films of all time. now, i'm a big fan of shit films. there are a bunch of them that while being shit, retain a certain charm.

jackie chan films fall into this category: low production values, shoddy effects, inferior storylines. but these aren't what you watch a jackie chan film for; you watch it for innovative fight scenes performed by a pensioner who's fitter than you'll ever be.

you watch adam sandler films for the silliness, smokey the bandit for the kitch value, verhoeven for the tits, space jam for the toons. a lot of the time you can find at least one endearing quality in even the most tedious of movie attempts.

titanic at least had up-to-the-minute cgi.

there are some films that are just bad. i mean truly awful. absolute disasters from opening shot to rolling credit. dodgy stories, poor acting, mistaken cinematography, badly conceived editing, pointless casting, no direction, unbelievable characters, confusing continuity and on and on.

these films need to be named and shamed. those with no redeeming features whatsoever. the list starts here, and you're welcome to offer suggestions.

i'm in the middle of suffering the jean claude van damme error 'double team' also inflicting dennis rodman in his messy performance of van damme's confusing partner. yep, this film has fallen on to my list. in fact, it did within about twenty minutes, after which i began writing
this.

so, the list (in no particular order, like the thoughts behind them):

- Double Team, inducing jean claude shitting damme. oh god, every minute worse than the one before.

- Down To You, freddy prinze junior whimpers his pathetic barbie-doll apology, overshadowing even the appearance of henry frickin' winkler!

- American Psycho 2, after the genius of christian bale's performance in the slick, brain-busting whodunit of the first american psycho work of art, some ass makes a sequel without even beginning to understand it. seemingly without even knowing there was a book, let alone reading it.

- Wolf Creek, nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing pointless pointless pointless pointless pointless pointless.

feel free to offer your thoughts.
help me help those around us to avoid wasting our precious life minutes.