Friday, 19 February 2010


facebook is a weird place. everyone seems to have a different experience of it. i myself spend between 8-23 hours every day focussing my dwindling pupils on the white-background-blue-type nonsense, eager to be informed that emma and ian are constantly flirting with glistening sexual repression. and "clare made a cake but can't seem to do anything right, boo-hoo :(((((("

facebook enters me through my computer, links to my blog and my twitter problem. it's right there in my phone, too (when my piece-of-shit unreliable-as-my-sphincter phone feels like it). basically it's like an airborne infection that you can't avoid, unless you avoid it. i don't avoid it. but i do censor it. because it's really weird otherwise.

the weirdest part of it is the whole 'friend-request' business. recently i've had a fair few new friend requests from people. that's quite nice i suppose. people want to be my friend, i should be thankful. i spent the last 29 years in a mental hole surrounded by imaginary friends, only some of which actually liked me, so it's quite lovely that a bunch of people want to associate with me. thanks.
i just find it a bit weird when i meet people for about 5 minutes, and the next day they try and install themselves on my life, tapping into my news-feed so that they can see what i did earlier that day and when i last took a photo. that's a level of information i'm unwilling to give a stalker, let alone a stranger.

recently i broke a personal rule and added two work-mates to my friend list. i justified this for two reasons.
1: i counter-balanced by deleting friendships with four people. these four people constantly updated their status with dullard information about what celebrity they liked and other pointless drivvel anyway, so it was no loss.
2: my two work-mates seem to take great delight in some of the things i write, which gives my ego an absolutely enormous erection.

i've also known them for quite a while now, and they've regularly seen me in my worst possible physical conditions when i turn up for work stinking of rum-punch and crying. it just saves me from having to talk when they can simply go online and read my innermost thoughts.

i will never put my relationship status on facebook. that is a terrible idea. i did that before, and it only resulted in a couple of failed suicides. if you want to know which sea creature i'm boning, why not contact my mum?
you don't know my mum? yes, that's right... because you don't actually know me.

facebook friends are people who i actually want to be in contact with, are members of my family, or are people i want to bombard with useless information about my life (or abuse). if i don't add you please don't take offense, it's possibly not because i didn't like you, it's probably because i don't remember who you are.


No comments: