i'm really really sorry

i may or may not get people from the usa occasionally reading this blog. if you are american i write to you an apology: i've recently heard that you will be soon getting a show entitled something like 'jordan & peter,' or another title equally witty and intriguing. i can't apologise enough for what you might witness if you make a hole in your day to watch it.

in case you didn't know; jordan is a "model" based here in england, though i'm not quite sure what planet she is from. her husband-by-paperwork is was internationally famous 90's pop hunk peter andre, you may remember his songs: mysterious girl and.. um... something about a crab maybe?

the program looks to be something like the newlyweds show you had, but whereas jessica simpson - for all her dimness - is pleasant to look at and thick to the point of amusement, jordan looks like her face was on fire and someone put it out with a plank of wood. she also possesses the stupidity to the point of retardation factor, but at a level where you just end up concerned for the welfare of all she comes in contact with. horrifying is the fact that she is considered a role-model for a whole generation of self-gratifying delusional pregnant teenagers with mediocre looks and less ambition. little more contribution to society than media-whore paris hilton or drug-tramp kate moss, hungry only for press coverage whatever the cost to her credibility as a decent human being.

though it is strange to comprehend, i think andre might be the more sane and together of the pair. though still stuck in his 90's pop-turn persona where he was obviously only instructed to "be cheesey, no matter what you do, be cheesey" and ensure that he remains one-dimensional at all times, though he appears to have the same depth as the glossy pages of the issues of smash hits he used to be poured upon, every now and again he appears ever-so-slightly bashful as if embarrassed by his wife's actions. so he might have one screw firmly in.

did you ever see that car crash coverage of posh-spice parading david beckham up a red carpet in expensive looking clothing; pouting for the cameras and practically mounting his leg in a bid to make the public believe they were the couple we should all aspire to be? that half-hour catwalk zoo is how jordan and peter are constantly.

all this may intrigue you further and you now desperately want to watch the program, your appetite for the freak-circus well and truly roused. fair enough, it's been far too long since we've legally been able to point and laugh at people with disabilites without having our knuckles rapped. please bear in mind though, she is the very lowest level of british humanity. don't think she bears a fair representation of the english public. much in the same way that i don't watch newlyweds and believe that everyone in america is thin or attractive.