part of your world

i finally got a chance to play in the snow! S.L.R. and i spent a couple of hours making this beautiful creature.. racing against time as it started to rain.

to my mind she is the second best thing to be made out of snow ever... after the arctic.

the painted veil

this only gets a star for the views of chinese countryside. other than that, a terrible performance from ed norton, a predictable story and a silly end scene.

1/10

dogma

my favourite kevin smith movie. among other things i'm a big fan of the theology beneath it.

as with any film involving religion this had an immediate and judgmental reaction from the conservative christians, bless 'em. what they should've done is watched the film and realised that it actually informs and argues theology in an easy to watch way. all their actions did was enforce the idea that has been forged for years by the general media, that all christians are nut-jobs with no sense of humour. i might start demonstrating outside of churches if they keep it up.. oh no, i've been to a few churches and they're actually alright.

anyway, that's all a bit off topic. this film is awesome.

9/10

shaun of the dead

a new breed of comedy, proving that the brits are the best at it. this movie is delightful in so many ways, the way it feels completely home grown and independent, its playful behaviour, brilliant actors, zombies. it ignores a whole bunch of rules and is all the better for it. nick frost is a favourite of mine since he was mike in spaced and never fails to entertain in his own inimitable way, that makes you think you could be an actor too.

and lucy davies. yum.

i have a signed poster of this film, by simon pegg, nick frost, edgar wright, lucy davies and kate ashfield, from when i queued for 3 hours to meet them. it is one of the best things i own.

10/10

batman & robin

you may have heard that christian bale flew off the handle on the set of the new terminator movie a little while ago, when the director of photography walked on set during a scene. you may not have actually heard the rant though so here it is:



i like christian bale. he is funny. the DP probably deserved it.

also very funny was the way the beeb covered it this morning on the early morning breakfast show.

k-pax

my whole life, i've been waiting to see this in person.

spiderman 3

after spiderman 2 i wasn't expecting very much, and i wasn't disappointed. as in, i was... very disappointed indeed.

2/10

everything is illuminated

i've just subscribed to lovefilm, so i'm going to try and do a short movie review for every film i ever see.

expect one every day.

lying in wait

what with this credit crunch and the rising unemployment figures, people are going to scrabble around for:
a) jobs.
b) unique reasons for why their employers should keep them.

however, nothing quite justifies this idea.

i particularly like "65kg" who could be the drummer from any number of generic indie-rock bands, and has worn his own clothes.

proud

"what have you done today, to make you feel proud?" sings heather smalls of M People in that song. i fucking hate that song, and i fucking hate M People. which is why i can be seen vomiting at the back of most business management conferences when the inevitable motivational playlist starts:

simply the best - tina turner
we are the champions - queen
eye of the tiger - survivor
one vision - queen
proud - m people
hero - m people
moving on up - m people
...........fuck m fucking people

you may have laughed at the absurdity of david brent, but believe me (someone who has worked in the business conference industry for 8 years and seen in excess of 2000 events), david brent was entirely believable as a real person. seriously.

sometimes real life is far worse than your imagination could ever be.

anyway, perhaps the whole thing could be cured if they played this during morning coffees:
yeah. that'll work.

touching the void

because of adverse weather conditions...
because of adverse weather conditions...
because of adverse weather conditions...
because of adverse weather conditions...
because of adverse weather conditions...

repeated over and over to me all morning, that phrase echoes through my head like an irritatingly catchy eurovision song. as i stand waiting in a queue to leave canary wharf station*, finally at my destination 3-and-while hours after leaving my home 10 miles away; i notice a hand written sign:

"because of adverse weather conditions the western exits at this station have been closed"

the snow is SO bad, they can't even open a door. god, i hope there isn't anything more serious around the corner. like a bit of wind or a member of staff getting the sniffles.


*yes. i had to queue to walk out.

the sorcerer's apprentice

at the time of that photo it was suggested that the next train was 9 minutes away. it must've been a spelling mistake as it took 45 minutes to arrive.

and as i quickly approached my 3rd hour of travel on a 50 minute journey, i couldn't save myself from the reality that - without exaggerating - it would have been quicker to walk; i couldn't help but smile at the irony and affirmation of shiteness that came from a platform announcement that went:
(and I quote)

apologies ladies and gentlemen, but it seems today we couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery.

i hope he doesn't get reprimanded, he was the first member of the underground staff who had a firm grasp of what was going on.

bridge over the river kwai

as the world looked like this when i went to leave at 5.30 this morning i decided to shun the risk of 'death by idiot driver' and seek alternative transport to my bike. i may have been fine, but not being able to distinguish between curb and road seemed like a perilous obstacle.

i've neglected writing about the london underground very much on this blog for a few reasons, including the fact that it makes me so angry I could bust a blood vessel in my typing finger. also it strikes me as an unfair battle; when i'm faced with an opponent that has no line of defence, no positive statistics that it can quip back at me.

the london underground is basically a disaster.

for those of you who don't live in london or use the tube regularly, it's non-geographical map can appear illegible and scary. i've heard that. my greatest fear, though - is that anyone responsible for the running of 'london's premier transport system' might seek a change in career and end up in politics, and christ knows we're already disabled there.

but here i am, on a representation of a journey to work. it was a decision akin to which end of your body to put over the toilet bowl when you've got the nora virus, but i'm now down in the tube network... and it's going just about as well as expected, as I'm just approaching the end of my second hour of traveling. on a journey that normally takes 50 minutes.

but i should cut them some slack, it's not like we've had snow in this country ever before. oh no, wait a minute. my mistake. it happens nearly every year, doesn't it?

but still, every time the transport network reacts in the same way as a kitten the first time its owner throws it into a snow filled garden.


and to confirm my worst nightmares i've just been thrown out on to the street because of an 'emergency' at waterloo, and informed that there is no service. i'm guessing the 'emergency' is that the operators haven't really ever thought through the possibility that snow exists.

i wonder if it would've been quicker to start cycling in and come via a fractured limb at the nearest accident & emergency. my only current choice is to now walk as the buses and the DLR have also been canceled.

ah london. you bitch.

brokeback mountain

what dreams may come

when i if i fail in my endeavour to build a 'spare' fixie bike, this design-your-perfect-whip website might provide adequate respite.

the gift

S.L.R. sent me this one very slow and tedious day at work.

thank you S.L.R.

wheels on fire

from my house
10 mile cycle
shower at work
sitting at my desk:

- 1h 10mins -

its down already. and boy, i can really feel my arse muscles. i worked out the following hard maths in my head. all on my own.

10 miles X
2wice a day X
5 days a week
=
100 miles a week

that probably doesn't seem a lot for any seasoned riders out there, but i'm not a seasoned rider. i'm a chubby dude with an aversion to any kind of sporting activity.

gulp

history is made at night

i could've sat down on saturday and written about picking up my shiny new bike.
and on sunday i could've regaled you with The Great Strap-On Adventure... but i was spending a well-earned, relaxing weekend with SLR in bristol, so i had better things to do than type on my laptop.

until now, when i'm sitting at work spending a great deal of time on the CTC website* and encouragingly positive about the night-ride home.

i have finally taken receipt of my bike (as you would hopefully have ascertained by now). at Zero G Specialized Concept store on saturday, they handed me my freshly built bike, with all my accessories firmly attached. i was like small boy in a sweet shop. or a large boy in a sweet shop. that sold bikes. i also added a pair of waterproof trousers and a bigger chain to my order. yeah, i live a rock 'n roll lifestyle.

i also picked up a strap-on bike rack. there is a much longer story to this that i typed out, only to discover it is more boring that the most boring thing i've ever seen. it all ended in me arriving back in london at 11.30 last night with my bike mounted so high up above the back of my car it looked like a separate entity. 

despite my most intelligent of urges to go to bed, i then proceeded to spend 2.5 hours fixing all my remaining accessories.

none of them were necessary for my debut to the World of Commuting by Bicycle (cyclemooting?), but now i'm equipped for anything.

yawn.

* yep, i'm surfing the net while i'm at work. sue me.

hard rain

death race

it is begun. i cycled to work. took about an hour and a half to do 10 miles on an unknown route, negotiate the parking facilities at work and have a shower when i got there.
i reckon i'll get the whole lot down to an hour before long. y'know, when i've knocked some of my lard-ass off.

went well though. thoroughly enjoyed it, actually. i felt unpredictably fresh when I got to work. that's endorphins for you, always lulling you into a false sense of security.
unlike london drivers who keep you on your toes.

this year's love

apparently the big thing this year will be bears in ill-fitting hats.

i can't wait.

vogue

bambi

night and day i worry that any of my friends and family might want to go and see this, so hopefully this will provide all the information you need.... to not

splendour in the grass

i reckon they've been planning this advertising campaign for 8 years

the worlds fastest indian

on reception of my cyclescheme voucher (finally) i just phoned the specialized concept store in bristol where i will be getting my bike from. it turns out they've preempted me and already ordered the bike in. its now sitting in their workshop, will be assembled tomorrow and all of my accessories fitted.

plus, because of the v.a.t. cut, i'm actually £50 in credit, that i can spend on anything i like. add to that the £50 i'll be saving because i'm not getting a jacket anymore, and i've got myself a shopping trip.

oh yeah.

i don't get to sit with my bike and a spanner fitting all my big accessories though. never satisfied; that's my problem.

the machinist

my excellent girlfriend - who shall from herefore be known as The Sweet Little Retard - has found commercial comical mileage in the fact that i've been buying necessary accessories for my bike... when i don't even have my bike yet. i must admit, the mirth is well founded.

but soon they'll have a home, and then who'll be laughing?

my investigations into the world of cycling have very whet my appetite. i've mentioned bike snob nyc before, and applaud his written destruction of the hipster cyclist culture. but i must say, it has lead me to the world of fixie bikes for which i have sustained a certain level of intrigue.

i have two contradictory pools of taste, two opposing schools of design that rarely meet in the middle to make anything of remarkable value. although it can happen (i type this on a macbook). as a techy i like utilitarianism. i like gadgets. i like things that do the job and do them well, without need for 'look at me!' prettiness. within this pond, i hold DIY versions in high regard, and have a fondness for - frankly - ugly things that are built for their purpose. it's probably why, when i recently went through a period of thinking about jumping back on a motorbike, i fell in uncontrollable love with this:


as an art/design fan i like minimalism. well-positioned stark blank shapes and uncomplicated blocks of colour. retro. monochrome. simplicity. sparsity of placement:



so, with it's modern style, internal gears, gun-metal-grey paint with brown detailing; my vienna 4 could fit nicely into the second category. but my plan is that its going to be my main form of transport in and around london, and will (hopefully) propel me through all weathers, in all seasons, at all times of day, day in, day out.

shake it all about.

i need to keep as dry as possible.
i need to carry stuff.
i need to be seen in the dark.
i need to know if i'm late for work.

and this is where all those necessary accessories S.L.R. berated me for are going to come out to play, turning my bare monochrome frame into a device for holding lights and mudguards and panniers.

when i pick the vienna up it'll be a shiny new minimalist toy that'll be a shame to taint... a couple of hours with a spanner, though; and my utilitarian-techy-gadget-love will be somewhat fulfilled. leaving a minimalist hole.

oh.

should i how can i fill it?

shit.

team america

riders on the storm

at last! some activity...

i received this email today:

Hi,

Your voucher has arrived! I will post it to XXXXXXXXXXXXX tonight

Thanks,

Jo

XXXXXXXX
HR Manager
XXXXXXXXXXX Ltd

Consider the environment. Please don't print this e-mail unless you really need to.

(those are not (all) kisses)

i should be able to pick it up o'er the weekend. i am a happy boy.

also, there is another bike related curiosity on the horizon - a direct symptom of my new interest/obsession. this is just a teaser:

more beats & pieces

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button (only once) to get your answer.
3. Write down the song name.
----------------------------------------------------

1) If someone says "Is this OK?" you say ...
bohemian like you (the dandy warhols)

2) What would best describe your personality?
i don't want to see you (camera obscura)

3) What do you look for in a girl/boy?
let's face it pal, you didn't (don caballero)

4) How do you feel today?
beth (kiss)

5) What is your life's purpose?
look outside (broadcast)

6) What is your motto?
you are ball lickers (jay)

7) What do you think your friends think of you?
the road (turin brakes)

8) What do you think about very often?
funky fresh country club (ugly kid joe)

9) What is 2+2?
duet (black-eyed peas) !!

10) What do you think of your best friend?
sunshine after the rain (berri)

11) What do you think of the person you like?
air aid (menomena)

12) What is your life story?
mon homme (billie holiday)

13) What do you want to be when you grow up?
mr. robinson's quango (blur)

14) What do you think when you see the person you like?
rainfall (nitin sawhney)

15) What do your parents think of you?
chattanooga choo-choo (glenn miller)

16) What will you dance to at your wedding?
i've been tired (pixies)

17) What will they play at your funeral?
let forever be (chemical brothers)

18) What is your hobby/interest?
rape me (nirvana)

19) What do you think of your friends?
train (goldfrapp)

20) What's the worst thing that could happen?
wind of my soul (cat stevens)

21) How will you die?
work it (missy elliot)

22) What is the one thing you regret?
chop suey (richard cheese)

23) What makes you laugh?
melon farmer (ash)

24) What makes you cry?
spain (chick corea)

25) Will you ever get married?
the hustle (common)

26) What scares you the most?
living life (ben kweller)

27) Does anyone like you?
'90 AKA a man like me (lemon jelly)

28) If you could go back in time what would you change?
inside (moby)

29) What hurts right now?
buddy holly (ben folds)

30) What will you post this as?
more beats & pieces (coldcut)

the wrong trousers

why don't we get more of this sort of thing in london?

horse feathers

this could be like searching for a hip replacement ball-joint in a barrel of broken dogs.

a boy, a girl & a bike

as is the trend with this time of year, i've come over all philosophical and self-aware. my thoughts are predominately about my life and the lives of those around me, about what happened during 2008 and what i want from 2009.

well, the world changed for everyone. barack obama was voted as the next president and like him or not he takes office in 10 days and the world will change.
more specifically, the world was flipped to all angles for the people i love.
troubadour took a big ol' step and moved in with red.
batman married his wonderful wife.
the duchess sent herself on a voyage of self-discovery.
shoelace and my sister became finally pregnant.
my brother and his girlfriend became unexpectedly pregnant and have since given birth to a bundle of cuteness named Alice May...
and so on and so forth.
oh yes, and it would appear that i have bumped into the greatest woman of all time =>

i could go on, but i try to look forward more than dwell on the past; even if that plan doesn't always come into fruition. so, to 2009.

a couple of things lay on the horizon. i'm going to double-up my uncle status when Madeleine is born in february. i'm still not sure of the spelling of her name, but i'm sure that she will be as loved as her cousin, and as much as anyone could be.
my company's contract is going through renewal and what with that and the current (very boring) credit crisis i might be without a job in the near-ish future.
my lovely lady may encourage me into a moving-in scenario if she plays her cards right.
so it's looking like an alright year, as things go. i have a remarkable woman, and continue to have the best friends you could hope for; so what more could i want?

well i'm a fat bugger, so my next project is to make some improvements there. the standard self-promise of anyone who lives through a new years eve party, "i will lose the lard" and actually do some exercise. actually. and the way i'm going to do it is by taking up cycling as my principal form of transport around london. judging by the way - over the last 3 weeks - i've been growing noticeably obsessed by buying a bike, it looks like i'll be throwing myself whole-heartedly into it.
and it means i get to almost completely cut out traveling on the london underground, which is akin to vomiting bile on a daily basis.

so, through this scheme, my employer is buying me a bicycle; and from then on i'll be back on two wheels for the first time since i crashed my wonderful honda, and on a self-propelled two wheels for the first time since i was knee-high to a grasshopper.
i can't wait. especially after the 12 mile off-road ride i did with The Budd's dad over the weekend.
as soon as the accounts department get off their ass and sort payment out, i'll be taking home one of these bad boys

and i guess if you want to go by olde blogging conventions: the urban cowboy will be returning to the saddle... albeit a self-propelled, smaller version.

i'm hoping that this might turn into a bit of a cyclist's blog, as long as the obsession continues. unfortunately it will lack the technical knowledge and scathing grace of my new favourite blogger who shares my love for cynicism and my active hatred for all things pretentious, whilst managing to weasel in some useful technical information.

while i'm on the subject of pretentiousness, in neon-sun tradition i'd like to direct you towards another thing on the web that amused me; and nothing could be closer to my heart than the ridicule of twats that can be found here. the website speaks for itself, but from me - if you ever bump into anyone featured on it, feel free to explore their innards with a heavy-weight seatpost.

sliding doors

the ballad of david icke

a few weeks ago i donated blood for the first time which was a laugh riot. actually it really wasn't that bad, go and do it.

i got a letter today, from the blood people, who informed me that i have the one of the rarest of all blood types: O (rhesus) negative. i share it with only 7% of people and it's very useful because it has no 'antigens.' it means two things:

1: my blood can be safely given to anyone, like newborn babies and in emergencies where there's no time to test someone's blood.

2: if i ever need blood... i'm screwed.


most fascinating though, according to this website it means i am descended from ancient space lizards.

oh come all ye faithful

dirty bitch nigella lawson treats us to her ideal christmas snatch-bashing.

bad santa

psycho

failblog favourite number five:

stand by me

failblog favourite number four:

50 first dates

failblog favourite number three:

showgirls

failblog favourite number two:

these are a few of my favourite things

i've mentioned failblog before, but i'm going to put a few of my favourites up in the next couple of days.

number one:

A.V.....p

i've worked as an AV tech for a good while now and it can be a long, hard, thankless slog. i've thought nothing of a 70 hour week, or a two-day rig that's been changed at the last minute.
or a client turning up and knowing your job better than you do, even though it's their first ever live event.
or making a speaker cable out of a 4-way because some idiot didn't put enough in the cable trunk.
or getting the blame for a microphone not working, and it turns out someone in the audience has turned it off.
or rigging an event one day, turning up the next day to run it and finding one of the cleaners has stolen the projector.
or HP laptops deciding they don't want to work anymore. mid-show.
or camera-men falling asleep.
or finding that a crew-member has plugged the entire video/graphics rig, satellite feed and the comms system into one 13-amp socket.
or hanging over a balcony (gripping with your ankles) re-focusing red-hot lamps with your bare hands, because the presenter has decided to re-arrange the furniture half way through the event.
or catching a set, before it lands on a string quartet.
.... i could go on...
(and ripping your hands to shreds... every day.)

we don't get much in the way of recognition, usually. and actually, most of the time when i say "i'm an AV tech" people look at me, slightly confused, and reply something like,

"oh cool, that's with computers and stuff."

or

"oh cool, because my telly has stopped working, so you can fix it."

or

"oh cool,...... errrrrmmmmmm. i'm a receptionist so i deal with you guys all the time."

or (my personal favourite)

oh cool, you make wires don't you?"

no.

so imagine my pleasant surprise on looking back over one of the most memorable speeches this century and finding this:


(by the way, it's techs that built the stage he's on. and ran the sound system. and the screens. and the lighting rig. and the graphics, sound, cameras, video network, satellite feeds, tv broadcast, arranged and fired the fireworks. we brought it all in on trucks. we carried it into the venue. we set it all up. we made it work. tested it. tested it 40 more times. worked it.
and then
long into the night and the next few days
we took it all down, put it back in trucks, and left an empty room for the next group of techs who were probably sitting outside waiting.

and we probably did it all on 10 chocolate biscuits.

you're welcome.

high school musical

think of all the american comedians and actors you like. one of them is in this:

my heart will go on

it would make me beyond happy to see this film:

the notebook

* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence here.

here is mine:

"The sampling rate converter for the selected 2TR Digital Input turns on or off: when on, the sampling rate of the received digital audio is converted to the DM1000’s current sampling rate."

event horizon

windows vista is shit.


just buy a mac for god's sake.

species

lolita

well hello you big perv. judging by the information i get from google analytics this is my most viewed blog entry. and most people get to it because they've searched for "sun lolitas" or something similar. sorry to disappoint you, but you won't find any here.

to add insult to injury, i'm afraid the video that i originally posted here has also been deleted from the original server. i can tell you it was a lovely comedy short of hayden panatierre talking about sexual harassment in the work place. she swears a lot in it. it was very sexy.

as you can't watch it, why don't you click here to see all my blog entries that do still feature sexy ladies and pornographic material.

now, back to the original post (that doesn't work anymore):

always happy to watch her.

i like it when she says fuck.

the nightmare before christmas

you may not be fully aware, but the presidential election is in two weeks. hopefully all the intelligent americans will vote.

don't falter

...or mccain himself can:

happy feet

don't let me influence you. not over adam west, anyway.

babe

i'm not issuing a commentary, just compiling evidence.

the fox and the hound

i love presenters on the fox network, they all seem just a little bit over excited, like a 'special' kid in primary school.

delicatessen

highlights of the fighting.

back to the future: pt II

this will go down as one of her most famous comments. presumably she was trying to win over the hockey moms, but surely calling someone a pit bull is exceedingly insulting. here is a pitbull:


bitch

the lost boys

of course we all remember our all time top actors and personal loved ones: corey haim and corey feldman. whatever happened to those chaps of 80's movie fame? back in the day haim could've been the next batman and feldman was en route for governor of california or something. at the very least one of them would've been asked to be vice president.

well worry and regret no longer, my dears, they have a new show! hurrah!

as you can see, haim appears to have aged into an early 90's white rap star slash addict.... and feldman... hasn't aged. at all.

24

this video reminded me of elisha cuthbert.

clueless

she writes herself.

failure to launch

failblog features a fine selection of mistakes, and it manages to filter them out so only the funny ones make it to the website. high on the list of laughs is this religion-based FAIL.

bless her little cotton mind.

(bless it with a large blunt object)

liar liar

thank you msnbc.


"pork barrel politics" is a derogatory term used to describe spending state money specifically intended to win over voters, rather than benefit the public.

little women

you see, i'm not frightened of mccain being president. i'm frightened he might die and leave her in charge.

lost without you

the new york stock exchange is opened every day with far more pomp and circumstance than necessary. today it was opened by delta goodrem in honour of her new album. (?!)

on the website it suggests that you can watch "Watch a live webcast of The Opening Bell at 9:29 a.m. ET on October 14, 2008. The archive will be available shortly after the event."

so, i'm not sure what they mean by 'live.'

little drummer boy

hit it

ripping yarns

yep, i'm starting another anti-sarah palin campaign to add to the tens of thousands out there.

luckily, they all provide me with a wealth of source material that in turn has been supplied by the (slightly retarded) hockey mom, herself.

blowing in the wind

i like a woman who can take her underwear off in public.

riding in cars with boys

paris hilton is accompanied by one of the best actors and coolest men alive, and she is still shit.

oh martin, i hope you got paid.

an american president

i've been a staunch defender of obama in the last few months. mainly, my basis has been on the fact that he's a democrat and so was josiah bartlett (the greatest president ever). the west wing TV series has a big influence on my knowledge of the american political system, i make no apologies as it was well informed, deeply researched and filled with advocated devil arguments.

i'm rewatching the entire of west wing again as my girlfriend hasn't seen it before, so i won't go into any detail... but writer Aaron Sorkin based jimmy smits' character on barack obama way back in 2001 so if that's not a sign of intelligent writing i don't know what is.


anyway, i watched the presidential debate a couple of days ago. i felt as a member of the human race who is vastly affected by the choice of american president in the self-dubbed "greatest nation on earth;" that i should at least watch the two most likely candidates cat-fight it out for an hour or so.

the results were pretty disappointing.

i viewed the debate with as little bias as possible, giving mccain the benefit of any republican-based doubts. i was well aware that obama isn't actually matt santos but a human being without a preordained, scripted life story. i was fully prepared for the blind patriotism that you always get whenever american's talk about anything, absolutely anything. they both had a fair shot. they both missed.

i liked them both, as people. but i am in no way excited about either of them becoming the "leader of the free world" - (that title always makes me laugh and shake my head.) i'm not naive, i know that they would have both had endless sessions with their political advisors and script writers and strategists and sam seabournes and josh lymans and bruno gianellis, and they would have been given key words to repeat over and over. john mccain's most obvious were 'economy' and referring to the audience as his 'friends.' although its amazing how little i managed to understand what mccain was talking about half the time. more often than not, his answers were a rambling mash of tangents and bewilderment, usually followed by some slightly inaccurate questioning of obama's political record.

i remained unconvinced.

i hoped to be more enthralled by barack. his commanding presence during his speeches and his focus on middle-class issues have warmed me up 'til now. i get a good vibe from him. he is young and energetic and a step forward for america. but he does lack experience, and it shows, particularly in matters to do with military presence around the world. hopefully he will be able to fill in the gaps very quickly between now and when it might be important.

watching this debate brought me - begrudgingly - back home to british politics. firstly, wondering about the possibilities of creating this united states style celebrity atmosphere around our top politicians. my theory is the following: politicians would have to work harder. this can only be better in terms of policy, behaviour and personality.

secondly, we really don't have any worthy choices to lead our country. we are faced with the three most likely
gordon brown - useless, bumbling idiot with no personality who is yet to actually be elected into his position; and appears to have propelled our country into economical disaster.
david cameron - whiny posh-boy who seems to think that politics is only about belittling the opposition and not about making the country better.
nick clegg - wha'... who? oh, him. well he can promise anything can't he, because he'll never be in power and won't have to hold true on any of them.

so it's slowly becoming evident that the world has no good candidates.
great britain? no.
USA? no.
russia? holy shit no.
china? oh lord.
africa?..... i'll get back to you.
korea, cuba, iraq, south america, afghanistan, canary wharf?.... oh dear.

"vote Obama!
in the absence of Jed Bartlett, he's the best we've got."

watch the entire debate if you like:

dumb & dumberer

we're fucked

clerks II

this is based on a true story

easy rider

porn you can watch with your mum. that's what we all want.

bo selecta

this chap is called bo burnham. he made me laugh twice today.

mr. big stuff