Sunday, 5 April 2009


i am lucky enough to have convinced a very attractive girl to be my girlfriend. hopefully she will continue to remain unaware that i am a slightly tubby moron with a penchant for moaning about stuff that doesn't need to be moaned about.

for now, she lives in bristol. this is slightly annoying as i live in london, but:
1. education has to happen,
2. i actually quite like bristol quite a lot and... well...
3. it makes this even more amusing.

i do think there are a few types of poo that were forgotten. please write in if you think i missed any:

TYPE 7 clean poo
when you do a massive one, but when you go to wipe nothing comes off on the sheet.

TYPE 8 the spectre
you feel one coming but the result is just a lengthy 'fsssshhhh' of pungent air.

TYPE 9 invisi-poo
you think you've done something of value, but there's nothing in the pan.

TYPE 10 the sweaty machine gun
comes out as a kind of high speed liquid/solid mixture, reminiscent of an old car's spluttering exhaust pipe. will usually coat the inside of the loo and is quite hard to remove.

TYPE 11 poonder
this one is, so far as i know, unique to me. it's where i go for one, but find my mind wanders and i sit there and think about stuff. a bit like insomnia but with wiping instead of sleeping.
this will happen almost 100% of the time.

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