Thursday, 23 April 2009


the certain un-named bank i work on the premises of are getting a bit over excited at the prospect of contactless payment today. 'ooh, it's the future!' they cry. literally creaming their pants with self-satisfied glee at the very idea of this wondrous new creation.
oh, to know the joy of finding a solution to something that isn't a problem... what it must be. to finally be able to say "this great thing that humans have happily used since the dawn of time, i found the cure! woo-pah!"

it's like that advert for boil-in-a-bag clean shelves for your oven...

...because apparently men are far too stupid to rub a cloth over some metal sticks. i mean, we did invent electricity and penicillin and tea-bagging and the internal combustion engine and pot noodles and snooker... but apparently shining up some kitchen work is out of our capacity.

it's a woman's work anyway.

speaking of pointless products, what possibly led BMW to develop the off-road roadster (or "sports activity vehicle" as the website tells us)?

yes, BMW, what the road needs is another unnecessarily sized engine sports car. oh and if you could, could you please give it all the sensibilities of a 4x4, because the air we breathe is crying out for more of them?... tasty tasty fumes. mmm.

oh, and speaking of fumes you can eat:
i may be just posting this video for the 1st girl, but as i'm talking about market-led cures for problems invented by the marketing team themselves:

as we all know, lynx deodorant is for chav-scum and teenage boys who don't shower - to hide the smell of their stale wank-pit back home. both of them put enough spray on before they even leave the house that your brain fizzes when they fake-limp past. certainly, they don't ever need to "top-up" their stink at any point during the day. unless they've seen a BMW advert while out and soiled themselves.

now, i've got to go. i have to count up 30 pence to pay for a copy of The Sun. i can't believe how long it takes to work out the bizarre symbols on these shiny things in my pocket, if only someone could find a quicker way...

No comments: