i'm dis-popular

big brother is over again and off our televisions for another couple of months. i'm so pleased. it went well this year, i thought. normally, by process of osmosis and the sheer flooding of the media by BB, BBBM, BBLB, BBBB, FOBB and whatever other acronyms they clutch at to swarm like typeface ants over my tv guide and into teletext, i end up knowing some of their names, which ones are slappers, how many are "nice" people etc. etc. etc.

i try to avoid it, but the saturation of conversation topics of twenty-somethings by this demonic televisual entity forcefeed my memory banks. its annoying, it interrupts trying to learn mongolian and keeping my balance and uses up valuable frontal lobe space. i assume it has the same effect on the fans of the 'show' but they welcome it because they don't know who mongolia is and lack the ambition required to stand up.

this year was different though, it pleases me to say. this year i managed to avoid nearly all knowledge of any bb factoids. it was a welcome release.

i know that there was someone called nicky. i know that some housemates went back into the house. i know that a load of vacant morons demanded their voting money back. i believe it was won by a noisy wannabe with stupid hair.

and that's it. sigh of relief.

i've never watched big brother. it seemed like a weird idea the first time round, so i didn't bother. and haven't since. i don't feel i've missed out on anything.

an additional perk is of course not having frickin' russell brand infecting my telly-box. how are people like him allowed in mainstream media? him and all the other t4 presenters? (disregard simon amstell from this remark)

just because the tv says these people are funny, doesn't mean they actually are. certain characteristics give away the secret that they aren't really cut out for the job. for example:

• when her voice sounds like scratching your nails down a blackboard while coughing like a disease-ridden smoker.
  
• when the furniture around her has more screen presence.
  
• when he has to read from an autocue to appear witty.
  
• when they look dumbstruck by a band who they clearly haven't heard of before.
  
• when their wardrobe looks like it was designed by a topshop store-cupboard cleaner.
  
• when his hair has more personality than him, and it's the personality of that shouty-guy from the later police academy films.
  
• when their facial expression is either "smug" or "bewildered."
  
  

jesus, while searching for the above picture i discovered one of some hollyoaks cast members winning some kind of award. i assume it was for "undeservedly highest tv ratings without decent script/director/actors/camera work/storyline" or something.