the love affair is over. i'm returning to london this evening and as i arrive into the neon and dirty shop-fronts i just can't summon up a sense of coming home. gone - it seems - are the feelings of excitement as i pull back into 'my city' with an extra heartbeat and a sense of pride. gone is the hope of unexpected thrills and 24 hour life.
i find myself disillusioned, disappointed and disappeared. falling through a city that didn't care that i'd arrived and doesn't miss me when i'm away. a city created by the consumption and expulsion of filth.
home is where the heart is, they say. mine didn't come back with me. the love affair is over. where are my suburbs and crazy-paved driveway? where are the friendly faces and unpretentious acts of kindness? where's my cat?
12 months away unfortunately. i guess i'll have to be without my soul until then. i'll be in good company.