Tuesday, 19 May 2009

indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull

oh god. why does george lucas insist on sequentially destroying all my childhood icons? do you really want a list?... i'll try and keep it short.
- where is the storyline? it's just a line of various action constructs, only a few of which actually feature indiana jones.
- harrison ford - despite all the reviews - DOES actually look and move like a 60 year old man.
- whats with all the pointless CGI? i know it's lucasfilm's aim now, to replace everything they possibly can with a drawing.. but seriously. it was done brilliantly 20 years ago so why can't it be done now?
- shia leboef's outfit was not a 'nod of homage to james dean' it was just a copy.
- cate blanchett's accent was regularly distressing.
- what the hell was up with the monkey sequence?
- what the hell is up with naming a character 'mutt'?
- how many times have we seen the 'you are not my father' thing? enough!
- how did mutt instantly learn how to swing like spiderman. i know it's a fantasy... but that was a long way out of the realms of this universe.
- what was the point in the nuclear explosion scene?
- ALIENS?!?!?!?!
- ANTS?!?!?!?
- SPACESHIPS?!?!?! ...only the spaceships don't go to space. they go to the "space between space"..... which is still 'space' as far as i can work out.

lucas, spielburg and jones. once a collaboration of genius and a faithful, pure, exciting memory.... should have stayed that way. they are all far too old to make movies.
this movie:
formulaic rather than craft, money over substance, tearful instead of exhilarating. horrible and upsetting. what are they going to ruin next: the a-team? back to the future? if they go near the goonies i'm going to wipe my shit on every copy in blockbusters. gah!

- ALIENS?!?!?!?!


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