Tuesday, 19 May 2009

small time crooks

so it turns out all politicians are dishonest and spend their time working out how to get the tax-payer to buy them dog food instead of preventing job losses and war.

there's a surprise.

of course we could follow david cameron's advice (if we get the chance) and vote for a new government. and what a choice we would have: we could elect a racist, a thief, a dimwit or a misguided eco-terrorist.
or we could avoid the tory party and try out one of the other bands of merry men. the list is shamefully exhaustable, very quickly. and unfortunately is dissipated before you arrive at anyone with any obvious value.

literally, i cannot think of one british politician (in the history of me taking any notice) that didn't strike me as a bit shifty or conniving. diane abbot seems quite nice, but surface impressions can't be relied on anymore...

for example, i mean, hazel blears looked like a lady who lived in a forest cooking gingerbread biscuits for the villagers and it turned out she was the biker ringleader of a property fraud gang.

it's a shame twisted-but-straight-talking tony benn has gone to the big pipesmoke cloud in the attic. i disagree with a some of the things he says, but at least he has substance in his words and hasn't boiled his politics down to wet cardboard sound-bites. a bloody rare thing nowadays; in a world where televised house of commons sessions tend to resemble those PC vs. Mac adverts.

'hi, i'm a tory.'
'and i'm a member of the labour party. what's wrong with your face, tory?'
'oh this? i tripped over a power cable.'
'ouch. that was pretty stupid of you.'
'what are you doing about the financial crisis? ugly.'
'i'm saving the world... um.. that is i've cut some budget stuff which will make more jobs and there are 100 more nurses in hamstead.'
'well it would seem - my honourable friend - that you have (INSERT PUN HERE) and blah blah blah your face smells.'
'what my honourable friend doesn't,.. (MURMURS CONTINUE) what he doesn't under... (MURMURS LOUDER)...'
speaker of the house interjects; 'udder UDDER'

'what my immoral.. [cough].. honourable friend doesn't seem to understand is that i've made loads of nurses jobs happen all on my own. and my power cable pops right out on a magnet. and the nurses jobs. and also i've seen the report on my learned friend's handwriting skills and it really is awful.'
'well you don't see the wood for the trees. or the fish for the chips. or the smut for the internet connection.'
'good popular culture reference.'
'thanks, ron weasely.'
'new nurses jobs.'
'the apprentice.'
'the economy.'


and that's modern politics, i'm afraid. that's how it works. well, that and stuff like The Thick Of It.

my honourable friend... my cunt.

No comments: