i've got a fair few pixar films lining my shelves. they're there (i tell myself) so that one day when i've got kids and all my money has been squandered on nappies and cleaning products, i'll still be able to provide the little chaps with some form of entertainment. admittedly, they will get some entertainment from my bumbling failings as a father and role model. even as a toddler, little Arbie will tut and roll his eyes as i absent-mindedly screw a shelf to a wall upside down. or put too much bicarb of soda in a biscuit mix.
then of course there's Emmille. he's a bit older than Arbie and has already developed cynicism, so he's a bit more uncomfortable with his senile old dad. but he does make friends at school easier when he tells amusing stories about how his dad is a bit useless; how dad always gets puts the wrong batteries in his toys, or buys the wrong brand of oven potato faces.
Candice (the oldest) has the hardest time, though. she's even older and starting to go to school discos. that's okay, but when dad turns up at the end of the evening to drive her home and the music is still playing, he can't resist getting on the dance floor and 'laying some shapes.'
but as we all know, dads can't lay shapes. well... they can, but those shapes are "crab", "brick" and "the hunchback windmill".
god, i'd be an embarrassing dad.
that's the plan.