Monday, 28 September 2009

when i'm cleaning windows (plus a competition!)

i buyed a ukulele (or ukelele to use the british spelling) yesterday. it looks like this:

cool people call it a 'uke' but i'm not cool so i'll continue using the full name. yook-uh-lay-lee.... boo-yah!

i have two things to say, and the second one is a competition you can enter, so keep reading.
firstly: obviously the ukulele is an incredibly sexy instrument, so try to contain yourself, ladies. if you are in any doubt watch this:

mmmm... yeah. hot.

today i successfully got through about 5 songs with the skill you could expect from a chap who's played for 3 hours. these included a fleetwood mac number, an erasure hit single and a song about onanism by one of britain's foremost stand-up comics.
i am pleased with my work.
next door's dog seemed to love it too.
my fingers hurt like a set of fingers that've never spent 3 hours playing a stringed instrument before, but i am double excited about learning something new. i am also secretly very impressed by how splendid i look whilst holding a tiny guitarry thing-a-majog.

secondly: as with many of my inanimate objects, i want to name my new instrument of joy. and this is where you come in.

i am trusting you, yes you... to name my frigging ukulele. all you have to do is send an email to with your suggestion.

for an idea of where to start, other inanimate objects in my possession are:
  • stevie the TV - my tellybox.
  • the duke of that - my ipod.
  • micro-funk - my penis.
  • and my car is called Larry Pascal Two-Balls, The Sex Panther.

have fun, kids! i will pick my favourite when i get back from barcelona, where i am going next week because i am awesome.

terms & conditions: competition cannot be entered if you work for a bank, because you suck. or if you're a politician, because i hate your face and you smell bad. the winner will be picked out when i decide it's my favourite. all others will be read but ignored. no cash alternative is available. watch The West Wing, it's the best show ever. i can't believe you read to the end of this.

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