when i'm cleaning windows (plus a competition!)

i buyed a ukulele (or ukelele to use the british spelling) yesterday. it looks like this:

cool people call it a 'uke' but i'm not cool so i'll continue using the full name. yook-uh-lay-lee.... boo-yah!

i have two things to say, and the second one is a competition you can enter, so keep reading.
firstly: obviously the ukulele is an incredibly sexy instrument, so try to contain yourself, ladies. if you are in any doubt watch this:

mmmm... yeah. hot.

today i successfully got through about 5 songs with the skill you could expect from a chap who's played for 3 hours. these included a fleetwood mac number, an erasure hit single and a song about onanism by one of britain's foremost stand-up comics.
i am pleased with my work.
next door's dog seemed to love it too.
my fingers hurt like a set of fingers that've never spent 3 hours playing a stringed instrument before, but i am double excited about learning something new. i am also secretly very impressed by how splendid i look whilst holding a tiny guitarry thing-a-majog.

secondly: as with many of my inanimate objects, i want to name my new instrument of joy. and this is where you come in.

i am trusting you, yes you... to name my frigging ukulele. all you have to do is send an email to cantplayguitar@funkhouse.me.uk with your suggestion.

for an idea of where to start, other inanimate objects in my possession are:

• stevie the TV - my tellybox.
• the duke of that - my ipod.
• micro-funk - my penis.
• and my car is called Larry Pascal Two-Balls, The Sex Panther.

have fun, kids! i will pick my favourite when i get back from barcelona, where i am going next week because i am awesome.

terms & conditions: competition cannot be entered if you work for a bank, because you suck. or if you're a politician, because i hate your face and you smell bad. the winner will be picked out when i decide it's my favourite. all others will be read but ignored. no cash alternative is available. watch The West Wing, it's the best show ever. i can't believe you read to the end of this.