Thursday, 17 September 2009

zombie strippers!

it's either morbidly excruciatingly terrible, or a piece of genius like no man has ever seen.

... pretty sure we can all make an accurate enough guess and go for the former. although because i'm in an average mood i'm going to be double generous and say there were a few moments of greatness.

maybe a bit less than a few.

at least it doesn't pretend to be something more than it is. which is a low-budget zombie flick with as many boobies as possible.

admittedly there is a little bit of trying to be too clever for it's boots - e.g. an 'artistic' choice to name all the characters after classic figures from surrealist theatre (the name of strip club owner is "Ian Esco" .. oh dear). and that sort of thing seems a bit wasteful anyway as i can imagine the only lasting fan-base is going to be made up of socially deffective teenaged boys, and the sort of adult male that gets together with its mates to talk about fisting and play soggy biscuit.

speaking of soggy biscuit ... the marketing is predominantly jenna jameson: the obvious selling ploy of the whole thing. apparently she's the biggest adult-film 'actress' in pornographic history.
being more of a fan of german lolita-teen crush gonzo, i've missed most of her work, but - bless her - it's probably hard to find jobs when you're an aging pornstar with seams on your breasts and a face like a bored catfish. at least she was good at pretending like she was enjoying herself while doing something demeaning. i guess that's why she's the success she is.

is it me, or does excessive plastic surgery actually make you look older? jameson has obviously had a fair old facelift, so she's starting to look like that cat-man guy. maybe i'm on my own, but whenever i see a facelift i automatically over-compensate. so to me the old porn-haddock looks to be in her mid-forties..

(pause for a quick bit of research)

Fountain of Knowledge Wikipedia says:
Jenna Jameson (born Jenna Marie Massoli; April 9, 1974) is an American entrepreneur and former pornographic actress ..

so, mathematicians, she's 35. oops.

anyway, this wasn't meant to be about cosmetic surgery, this was supposedly a film review about a crappy movie.
don't watch it unless you're a 15 year old boy... or you love rotting fish.


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